Spoon? Spoon!

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I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Spoon Theory by now.  I rather like it as an example of resource management for people who can’t imagine resources being anything other than wood or sheep.  Health is absolutely a resource, and it’s one that I’d say most of us take for granted on a daily basis.  No, I’m not trying to find a cute way to tell you all that I’m sick and have to spend all my editing time in a doctors office now, thank goodness, but I have been thinking a lot about those spoons recently for a slightly different reason.

See, I’m what you’d call an introvert.  And I have anxiety and depression problems

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A fresh load for you, straight from the Anxiety Mines!  Muahahaha!

and I really ought to avail myself of all that health care stuff that I’m working so hard on making sure my son has, but I also have a hard time prioritizing myself.  So lately I’ve found myself… disinclined shall we say?  Disinclined to talk to people.  Disinclined to get up in the morning because I barely slept.  Disinclined to go to sleep when I get home from work.  Disinclined to participate in any holiday crap.  At least, I was until the week between Christmas and New Years, which my son had off from school thus allowing me to sleep in unimpeded for five whole days!

 

I mean holy crap, you guys.

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And then… Then I had to make small talk for three whole minutes!  It was awful!     Photo credit: Sander van der Wel via Visualhunt / CC BY-SA

What does this have to do with the spoons?  Well for me, interacting with people costs spoons.  Even my own family, who are about the easiest people for me to deal with ever cost spoons.   Fractions of a spoon, maybe.  Barely any of one on the best days.  But still.  It makes me feel horribly guilty, too, that sometimes my mom coming in to ask me about dinner preferences or my 7-year-old son, grinning and running up to throw his arms around me in a joyous, squeezey first grader hug makes me cringe sometimes because it’s another human being in my space, touching me and forcing me to interact. It’s the worst feeling.

But strangers?  People at a party that I don’t know well?  The genuinely kind and helpful people at The Boy’s School?  Even friends coworkers that I really do like sometimes are just too much, and I’m required by the Law of Being A Grown Up to interact with them.  When I’m tired or stressed or sick or otherwise already at a disadvantage?  Yeah, it’s not good.

So this week has been fantastic.  I haven’t had to leave my house until it’s time to go to the theatre in the afternoon, so it’s been mostly just me and my books and relative peace.  I’ve had some really high-quality snuggles with The Boy, and watched some fun movies, and just… been quiet in my own room, alone.  And it’s been heaven.

I’m restocking my brain-spoons.

Completely unrelated, A Demon’s Duty is being included in a giveaway raffle!  Want to learn more?  Head over here to learn more about it.

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