Greetings, from deep in The Blur.
What’s that, you ask? Surely you know it. Hell, I’d be willing to bet many of us are experiencing it right now. The Blur is a concept I was already familiar with when it was named for me on a parenting blog or something a decade ago. I was still expecting the birth of my son, and was consuming information like a teenager consumes all the food in the fridge, and I came across the phrase. The writer then was talking about those first few weeks of parenthood when a newborn is successfully destroying their parents’ brain cells through lack of sleep among other things.
The Blur is when days blend together in a long string of “what day is it?” and “were we supposed to do something?” It’s where you can sit down and make a list of things you need to do or plan out your day, and yet, somehow, three days later you find your list in the fridge, under a sticky mess that might have been a cookie on a plate at some point. It’s where you turn to your son who just asked ‘what day is it?’ and tell them that it’s the same day as yesterday, why is he asking? My husband and son are both home all day, every day. We have no plans to go anywhere, and no work or school to attend, making no day distinct from another.
The Blur isn’t so much a psychological thing, though it can definitely affect a person’s sanity. It’s more of a constant state of sameness that causes everything to just sort of… blend together. Mornings and evenings are not noticeably different from each other, only differing in drink choice. I have tried to impose some sort of routine upon The Blur, establish some kind of order to help us through the days, but The Blur is powerful. It seeps into your very bones.
The upside to The Blur, for me, is that at least I’m writing. Writing is part of my morning, like coffee, and being annoyed at my son’s energetic cheerfulness. The downside is that almost nothing else getting done. I am forgetting to post to Instagram where I used to enjoy it as the end of my morning routine. I’m not managing to get a meal plan together on the weekend, because when the hell is the weekend? But that also means grocery lists are sketchy at best. And my publishing schedule? What schedule? I didn’t even make an entry for April in my bullet journal. Mostly because I forgot that April was happening until my birthday mid-month.So. If you, too, are deep in The Blur, I feel your pain. We will get through this, somehow. Schools will eventually reopen. Offices and shops will throw wide their doors. Friends will once again meet up and make plans. Someday. But, until then? I’ll put a light on in my window, so you have some way to tell the street from the sidewalk. Also: Today is Tuesday.
Well, it is here in Japan anyway, your timezone may vary.