Fog Brain

shutterstock_1213716793So, here we are, at the end of May, and I’m feeling alternately super-productive and completely useless.  The past week or so (I honestly can hardly even tell,) I’ve been lucky to hit even my smallest minimum daily word count goal.  I usually aim for at least a thousand words a day, which for me is the low end of achievable.  It assumes I can get some peace and quiet and more than 2 minutes to string together without being pestered.

But my absolute rock-bottom minimum is 500 words., because that’s enough for me to get a whole thought down, story-wise, and it feels like I’m making more progress than pecking at a project word-by-word.  (Also, in the interests of complete honesty, 4thewords has a minimum of just over 400 words to count as a day in my writing streak, so…  What?  I’ve got quests to clear out of my log!)

But lately…  I’m skipping days.  I’m opening up my files to do my edits and… then I’m sitting on the sofa and opening my book of the day, reading the same sentence over and over and yelling at my kid for making too damn much noise.  I can’t keep my focus, and going back over things I’ve already written?  Forget it.  I get five words in and my brain checks out.  It’s infuriating.  In part because I want to work– it makes me feel like a contributing member of society.  And partly because if I could just get through these damned chapters, I could get this book out and published!

It’s not even the writing part that’s suffering.  I am my own marketing team and business admin, and I have pretty much ignored both of those parts of being an indie author for the last two weeks, and it’s kind of showing.  I have got to sit my butt down and do some boring business shit or I’m going to be in a world of pain come next year at tax time. Even thoughts of the IRS on the warpath aren’t enough to get me moving, though.

So, when I woke up this morning, I was shocked to feel like I could sit down and get some things done!  I worked through my Duolingo like a good girl, I made some coffee, I posted to Instagram, I updated some of my spreadsheets… and I hit my 1K word count easily.

I’m not counting on this trend continuing, but maybe I can get almost caught up today?  We’ll see.  My son just woke up, so I’m not holding my breath.

routines in the time of COVID

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Well, here we are again.  It’s April and it’s been weeks since I posted.  I feel almost like I’m failing you all, and yet… Honestly this blog is sort of at the bottom of my priorities list.  It’s actually below washing the dishes, so you know I mean that, too.

We don’t have a dishwasher here in Tokyo.  It’s all hand-washing.  Ugh.

ANYway.  I am going to try to do a little better.  No, I am!  Because I have got to get some routines back into place in this apartment or I’m going to go stark raving.  See, that’s one of the biggest things that really is getting me about this whole COVID-19 thing.  We’re all fortunately healthy here at the House of Kim, and our extended families are well, too, from the news trickling to us over the phone and video calls.  And honestly, one of my resolutions was to leave the house more than once a week, so having an excellent excuse to not do that is kind of wonderful.  But…

Oh come on, you know perfectly well that there’s always a ‘but’…

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Photo credit: Fairy Heart ♥ on Visual hunt / CC BY-SA

With my husband and my kid home all day every day, and everyone has different goals, and everything sort of up in the air, it’s a major source of stress.  I can’t plan for anything! (is school going to start?  Is it going to start again on May 6 like they said?  What about restaurants, are they CLOSED-closed or just delivery-only, or what?  What about the Olympics?  Can they even cancel them? Apparently, they can, but now what about all the schedules? I need answers, people!)

So I managed, somehow, to cobble together a daily routine that was working for me.  I got up early to get some alone time for my introverted self and got my writing done then.  And I managed to get some meditation in, and some coffee, and was braced for my super energetic kid and my not-at-all a morning person husband by the time they got up.

Then, I sploshed a little coffee onto my laptop and my whole, carefully constructed COVID-19 coping time was destroyed like the Big Bad Wolf came and blew down the straw house it was built in.  My poor keyboard still isn’t back to really normal.  My arrow key seems to think it’s the ‘play’ button for iTunes and the tilde doesn’t even register.  Don’t as me why the tilde- all the way across the keyboard from where the coffee splooshed- is malfunctioning.  I couldn’t begin to tell you.  To irritate me and prevent me from making winky-faces in my chat messages, maybe?

So, I’ve been reading way too many books, both good and bad.  I haven’t meditated much for two weeks, and it’s weirdly starting to show in severely decreased word counts.  I can’t face my outlines or my revisions.  I’m irritable and grumpy and not even chocolate chip cookies have helped.

So, even though it is Saturday as I write this, I’m up.  It’s early-ish, and I’m tempted to go for a walk right now.  Tokyo is an early-rising city, I’ve found, at least my corner of it is, and even with the state of emergency and the new, odd hours and rules, there are still places to buy a cup of coffee and replace my small purse notebook.

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Combini: saving society since their creation.

Maybe I should add that to my morning routine.  A walk to the combini.  I mean, at the rate my kid drinks it, I can almost guarantee we’re out of milk anyway.  A morning milk run seems like it’s just what the writer ordered.

Avoiding burnout

burnout-burned-out-disease-psychic-pain-bullying-1One of the real downsides to being an indie author, in my opinion, is that while I get to write for my living, I also have to do all the other stuff involved with making a book, too.  I am a one-person publishing company, which means that I have to secure book covers, advertise, write ad copy, and so on and so forth. And that’s just the surface-level list!

Take advertising, for example.  It is, of course, The Future now, so advertising is a wildly careening, viral-post-dependent, buzzword soup, the battle octopus of a monster.  Where should I advertise?  Amazon?  Facebook?  Goodreads?  Should I look for newsletters to buy space in?  Should I try to make viral memes?  How much time should I spend on it when I could be writing?  How much money is too much to spend on it?  Not that I have much to spare on advertising anyway, but…. I just.. I don’t… oh, man.  Come on, you guys.  I did not take any business classes in college, which I now realize was foolish, but it seemed rational back then!

Trying to do everything, and do it “right” is one of the reasons I got so burned out last year.  I was trying to go in too many directions all at once, all while writing my books, and doing all that ‘Mom stuff’ that I need to stay on top of.  And laundry.  So.  Much.  Laundry.  You know, normal everyday living stuff.  So this year I’m scaling back.  Seriously.

StockSnap_LTY3TGLE73So I’m sticking with Facebook and IG for social media, and no more than that, because those are the two that I can kind of get my brain around.  I’ll try to post here more often than I did last year— I’m aiming for about twice a month or so— but I’m not going to stress myself out about it.  I am going to really buckle down on getting my books written and some ebook bundles put together.  And, if you’ve been following me on Facebook you’ve heard about my Grand Audiobook Plans…

This year, instead of boring myself out trying to do everything, I’m going to try to get more help from my family and the occasional virtual assistant, and stay focused on the fun part of being an indie author.  The writing.

Back from the dead

sparklers-on-black-backgroundSo… I guess I haven’t been around here in the blog much for a few months.  *blows dust off ‘pst now’ button.*  I don’t really have an excuse to give you other than that I sort of ran out of spoons after Typhoon Hagabis.  I tried to buckle down and focus on my writing and that project didn’t go so well.  It still has my heart, though, so I suspect that the concept will come back around eventually.

It’s a new year, though, and a new decade, and I’m feeling that new year energy.  If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know that I’ve started out finally nailing down the steps I need to take to get some audiobooks out.  My husband is helping me find the right equipment and people to help me out with it, too.  There are a few giant decisions to make before I can take any massive strides on that, but I’ll let you know when I do!

I’ve also decided that I need to revamp this here website at some point soon, and I’m once again rejiggering the Patreon, probably in conjunction with the audiobook thing once I’ve made a few decisions and have things firmed up better.  I’ve been listening to writing podcasts and working on a new book that is going MUCH better than the last one, so all is not lost.

Crowded

I woke up this morning and my brain was full of people.  Not even all my own people, which would make sense since I’m in the middle of writing a theft and a murder.  No, mostly my mind is filled with other people’s people, and it’s feeling a bit crowded.

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There’s the character from a book I read a while back who I really liked but disappointed me badly.  He was a young man who for several reasons had nothing much to do besides hang out and train at his local dojo, and thus grew up to be a very skilled martial artist.  His story in the book was one of trying to find a real place for himself, a path besides just hanging out and now teaching classes in his master’s school.  By the end of the book, while he does find a path that fits nicely with both his skills and his lack of patience with bullies, he winds up meekly following along with whatever his partner decides, flat out saying ‘he tells me what to do and I do it.’  For a character that started out fiery and passionate, it was a serious letdown, and it’s bothering me like it was a close friend in a bad relationship.

Then there are the characters who are abrasive and awful.  I read a book recently that I really, thoroughly enjoyed, and went on to grab another of the author’s books set in the same universe.  Within three pages, however, the main character showed off her violent anger problem and her complete refusal to take responsibility for said issues.  Then over the next chapter or so, it was made clear that her family was aiding and abetting with the excuses. “You’ll find a job that won’t fire you, I’m sure!” and “Just keep trying, someone will see you for the gem you are!” are not appropriate responses to “I got fired again for assaulting a customer.  Again.”  And it’s definitely not a trait that should be rewarded with jobs, adventures, and powerful friends.

And then, of course, lurking in the corners are my own characters.  The clever one that I can’t seem to write out of a hole.  The persistent one who is feeling like giving up.  The annoying, bubbly one who is sliding into seriousness and, well, not despair.  That’s a bit melodramatic, but definitely a melancholic mood..

Sigh.  It’s frustrating that the only people in my head lately are the ones that frustrate, irritate, or disappoint me.  I suppose it’s human nature— the bad sticks so much more easily than the good, after all.  So I’m going to go back and sit down with a few books full of characters I know I like (I strongly recommend The Wood Wife by Terri Windling) and hang out with a cup of coffee and some old friends.

What’s your favorite character?  Who should I meet?

The State of Your Author

 

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Me, until very recently.  Photo credit: quinn.anya on Visual Hunt / CC BY-SA

I’m not dead, I swear!  I’m sorry for not posting for so long, though.  I hit a point where I needed to let a few things go, for my own sanity, and the blog is one of the things that didn’t make the must-do cut.  (I’d kind of rather I could have blogged and stopped doing the laundry instead, but everyone else disagreed.)

I’m not going to lie to you.  It’s been somewhat tough the past couple of months.  The Boy is essentially homeschooled, which means he’s at home all the time, and as much as I love the kid, he’s pretty high energy and needs a great deal of my attention.  That makes it tough to get any of my own work done, including writing.  I’ve got so much of my mental and emotional energy focused on my son that I don’t have much left over for poor Kai’s little problems.  As a result, I haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been reluctant to socialize at best and grumpy and snarly at worst.  Not fun.

That said, I have been making headway on Book Five (you’d think by now I’d have thought of a title for it…) and have started going over some stories I banged out last summer.  I’m going to get those whipped into shape for you fine folks, and I’ve got an idea that’s been stuck in my head for a while that actually fits nicely into the new universe as a side-series.  If I can get myself sorted out just a bit better, 2019 is going to be super exciting and full of new books.

Next week I’ll have a review up for one of the books I plowed through in the past month, and keep your eye out for sneak peeks in the next few weeks.  I’ve got a poll up on my Facebook page if you’d like to tell me what to post first.  And, of course, I’ll have to write about our first holiday season in Tokyo.  It’s already proving very strange: our Christmas tree is just about a foot tall and is sitting on top of our PlayStation 4.

At least there will always be cookies.  That will help with pretty much all these problems!

Motivation

It’s summer.  I’m not sure if you’ve noticed where you are, and I guess it depends on IMG_8038where on Earth you are, but here on the East Coast of the U.S. that means it’s hot.  And sticky.  And kinda gross.  and man, nobody wants to do anything.

But I have a show I’m still helping to run every night, and I have stories to work on and a kid on summer break now and oh man.  All I want to do is hide in my room with a book or 50 and a cold drink.  So…  balance, I guess?

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The worst part about the heat and humidity, I think, is that it really saps my motivation.  Just completely.  I mean I’m getting things done, slowly, but its tough to convince myself to do things.  I will (I hope) have some news for y’all by the end of the month, or maybe early next month that you’ll find interesting.  And I’m working on sorting out the outline for the next Los Gatos book.  Basically, stuff’s happening, just slowly.  Because summer.

In current news, A Spirit’s Kindred is on sale right now, if you wanted to pick that up, and Finding Insight is still up for pre-order, ready to release next week.  For now, I guess I should get back to the story mines.  What’re you reading this summer?

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Changing gears

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Having been thrown completely off my stride the past few weeks hasn’t exactly led to a great surge of productivity, as I’m sure you noticed.  However, it did force me to evaluate my methods.  One of the things about being an indie author is that you are your own company, responsible for everything from marketing to time management to actually putting words on (digital) paper.  I am good at approximately one of those things.

StockSnap_3BWN7KIF4TSo I’ve been trying to work out how to get better at a few of them, or at least get them a bit more organized. There are going to be a few changes coming up soon.  Exciting things that I hope you all like or at least understand and approve of.  Right now I’m not planning on changing the blog schedule or the newsletter.  I might post a bit less on Facebook, but that’s easier to take with me as I go.  However, I’m working on project planning and I now have a list of things I’m going to work on over the next few months.   I’m only planning a few months out since I have this giant move looming over my head, but I think overall you will all be pleased with my ideas.

In the meantime, Sarah’s Inheritance has gone on sale for coffee-snack-cup$.99 through this weekend.  If you wanted to pick it up, now’s a great time!  And Finding Insight should be up for pre-order very soon, so Watch This Space, if you will.  News and Announcements will be appearing over the next few weeks, not just of the book, but of a few other fun tricks and treats.

I’m terrible

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So I forgot what day it is.  I’m sorry.  I should have had a post up already, but it honestly just occurred to me that it’s Monday now, and not Friday or something.  You’d think having a regular show schedule to adhere to would help me remember what day of the week it is, but apparently not so much.

I’m hard at work doing edits for Finding Insight, the next Spirits of Los Gatos book.  The pre-order should be up very soon, and I’ll have the cover to show off hopefully by the next post.  I’m also sitting down to plan out the next few projects.  The fourth os Gatos book, and some short stories that I hope you will all enjoy, and a few other fun things.

I’m trying to get myself much better at being organized.  You have, no doubt, noticed over the past few weeks that I’ve been horribly scattered.  I hate feeling like this, like I’m sort of adrift, and I’m taking some steps to get myself back on some kind of track.  Writing out goals for the next few months, and using an actual calendar and so on, and I’m starting to feel a bit more grounded in reality.  I’ve realized that I need to do a better job of managing myself, honestly, it’s not a skill I excel at.  Do you all have any suggestions?

Getting back

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It’s been a long couple of weeks, you guys.  I had a much more visceral reaction to this show that is normal, and I have to hand it to the cast for that reaction.  It’s a pretty powerful and important musical and I’m proud to be working on it.  The downside, as you’ve noticed, is that basically, all my other work has swirled off into the great black hole of mental space-time.

However, now that the show is open and we’re on a regular run schedule, I’m starting to get myself back on track.  I’ve realized that while I can work just about anywhere, I need to have some kind of consistency about it.  The same time every day, the same (or damn close) setup of my laptop, some music, and a cup of coffee.  I can’t have people constantly swirling around me or talking at me.  It’s been pretty interesting, actually, trying to get work done in odd places and strange times at the theatre.

So I’m home in the mornings now, working out my new schedule for the next couple of weeks.  Get up, take a walk, have some coffee.  Take The Boy to school and when I get back, I sit down and get cracking at the doing room table.  Yeah, I have a desk upstairs, and yeah my family wanders in and out, but mostly they let me work and knowing they’re around is comforting.  Okay, usually it’s comforting.

I discovered a few months back that I work well in sprints, so I’ll set my alarm and plow through 45 or so minutes of writing or plotting or edits and then take a break so my mind doesn’t crumple under the strain.  It’s good to be getting words down again, finally.  Even if they’re more character sketch, unconnected scenes, or general rambling.  I know I’m brewing the next few things to get out to you guys, and the process settles something in my soul.

Wish me luck, though.  School’s out in two weeks.

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